Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
