well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
