she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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