Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
