How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
