Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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