And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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