I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
