got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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