it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
