Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
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