also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
