where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Randomize
