Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Randomize