I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
