Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
