I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
We have so much sex to catch up on
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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