the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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