you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I am midnight drunk by noon
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
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