Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize