I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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