i jhust puked up my retainher.
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
