The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize