I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
