my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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