Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
