I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
