I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Holy shit dude........stairs
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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