Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
if i died would you start the facebook group?
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
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