There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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