last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
