piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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