The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
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