sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Randomize
