Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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