I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize