Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
