My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
