throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
