the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
