the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
