well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
nutella sex= disaster
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
