to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
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