I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
