gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
