He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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