Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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