i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
