I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize