whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Two words: blizzard sex
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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