He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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