We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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