You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
