I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
