Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
