um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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