Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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