New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Randomize
