and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
