The maid of honor just puked.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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