"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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