Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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