Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Use "feeling words"
Yay
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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