i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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