I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
