Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
