I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
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